… that is how I have felt these past 6 months or so since WEG. It has been a real struggle. As if the disappointment of the competition wasn’t bad enough at the time, when I came home I was faced with an unbelievable situation. Thankfully that's all over now -  am confining that to history and chalking up yet another one of life’s lessons, although I have to admit that for a long time I felt it was one big fat signal telling me that I should just give up!

But I could not ignore the nagging at the back of my mind...  that I basically really missed not having a horse to ride and train. I have been going to Kent to ride Rhapsody once a week which I thoroughly enjoyed (and still do!)  – and hacked out with a friend a bit through the winter – but it didn’t fill the gap.  I will admit that I didn’t miss the cold, dark, wet early winter mornings of course but…


Then - by a twist of fate this little horse came along!  Skye is super sweet and I am really looking forward to training with Andrew J Murphy again! The pressure – albeit self inflicted – has been fairly non stop for the past 9 years or more and it will be nice to have some fun and see where we can take him. I am so thankful for the encouragement and support from friends on this rollercoaster journey!   Happily Skye has settled in really well to his new home and routine and is just a thoroughly nice guy... a bit cheeky but he is half pony after all!!  Keep tuned for the next instalment....

I guess it's time to dive back into the big sea!  

​I can’t leave out just how much riding Rhaps has kept me going through the winter.  He is such a fun horse to ride and always brings a smile to my face!   For those who still follow USVI Rhapsody’s FB page you will know that he is now enjoying his life as an "elder statesman" in Kent – I think that should be his new hashtag!!   Suzanne has taken him to a couple of off site training clinics where he lapped up all the attention and had his ‘look at me’ hat on again!

​It brought a tear to my eye seeing them going so well together, with Rhapsody thoroughly enjoying himself and showing off to the spectators!! Am thrilled he will be making the journey to Dovecot Stables next month with Suzanne for more 

​I couldn’t have wished for a better life for him in his 21st year! 

I don’t really want to write a nitty gritty round up of the past year - it has been a real rollercoaster and all been documented before -  but instead to remember  my personal positives to take forward…

Taking a month off (after being made redundant) cruising with my daughter.....   Spending time with my dad and brothers in the VI and seeing long lost friends & family in NY….  Back home getting to grips with all things WEG – entries/accommodation/logistics/feed/transport…. Training and competing the lovely Panta who I so enjoyed riding….  Participating in a fantastic fund raising lecture demo with Andrew Murphy and 3 other guinea pigs including Suzanne and Rhapsody who just loved being back in the lime light!....  Experiencing what it's like to fly a horse to the USA…..  And finally being a part of the World Equestrian Games drama which may have been the last in its present form?
Oh... and I got a fab new job - YAY!! 

There have been many lessons learned on both a riding and personal level. Recently I have learned that I really don't like not having a horse to get up for  - these past 3 months have been a huge change for me! 

All we can do is  'kick on' and see what 2019 brings us... hopefully more good memories with family and friends... new challenges...  new experiences.... and no doubt more lessons learned!  
​
Happy New Year everyone!!! xxx

Monday 17th - Panta and the others had been at WEG a week and now it was trot up day - the vet check.  Angela was up early to walk Panta and get him ready -  he looked fab when Andrew took him out for the judges to see - no worries there! So we then had time to not only take him for another short schooling session but also watch the delayed showing jumping final of the three day event with a nail biting finish! 
Not sure how much was reported on the controversy of the groom's accommodation but Angela was one of the 'lucky' ones - she did not end up in the military tent with 39 others and no air conditioning but was able to share a basic "shed" with an Italian vaulting groom. At least the shed was on site, had air conditioning and its own little bathroom...  and not 40 minutes away as some of the grooms were shuttled off to hotels with very unsatisfactory shuttle timetables.  There were only about 80 of them... the maths didn't add  up.  But the food tent that was the nearest to us was great - I hate to make comparisons with Caen and this will be my only one - but the food quality and selection was soooooo much better in Tryon. So much fresh salad as well as hot meals - there was plenty of choice! I never actually made it to the other food tent which was miles away and had to close when the rains came! But our local tent was just great!!
​And so on to our competition day... it was hot! It was very exciting that Jan Robinson from St Thomas was in NC at the time, while her house in the USVI  is being rebuilt after the hurricane last year and was able to come and watch and cheer us on!! So nice to have another island supporter!   
Everything went to plan - preparations - warm up - 10 minute box. I rode into the arena feeling that I knew what I had to do. No nerves exactly - just a purposeful resolve to ride the horse I had in the arena through the movements. In that respect I felt I had conquered a huge hurdle.
The test was not the one we worked for, trained for, hoped for  - but horses are not machines and dear Panta got worried after a stumble/spook/whatever and was difficult to get back onside when he got buzzed up. For my part I felt that I did not panic or tense up or loose my brain as has happened in the past but instead continued to ride him irrespective of what he did. So we finished the test - not our best effort but we gave it our best shot!
The para dressage competition was full of dramas that week and there were others just as disappointed or more so. My team were so sympathetic and just pleased that under the circumstances we completed the test... although that is no consolation really - as much as I appreciated their support - we had all put so much into getting to WEG!!  But I had to remind myself - we had gotten to WEG when many many times over the past 18 months it looked impossible... and so many riders would have given anything to be there!! The media were very interested in my story and all about the islands after the hurricanes last year - so much so that everyone wondered where I got lost to after my test! 
So it was dinner out for all of us that night! 
The following day Panta had off... he had several walks in hand (there was no hand grazing)  but we decided to get off the compound for a while and ventured into Tryon itself. What a cute place... totally horse orientated and such friendly people. Regine had the largest banana split I ever saw!! One of the overriding memories of this trip will be just how friendly all the people in the area were... from our air BNB host to every waitress, security guard, food tent assistant, they all were just so welcoming! 
And speaking of our air BNB host who looked like a real hillbilly but was so sweet!  Our little house was super - a shame it was a good 40 minutes drive away from WEG but was the best I could find that was affordable. It had great little personal touches - fresh flowers - lovely furnishings -  a better equipped kitchen than my own (OK - thats not difficult!) and a hot tub no less!!
And so to the final days - and we got to see such great sport including the final days of the para dressage and Sophie Wells' just brilliant freestyle for yet another world record!!  The showing jumping team final was crazy exciting and then the individual - right up to the line with the German girl totally keeping her cool - what a great  horse - what a great team - very privileged to see that in person - awesome!!  But the final excitement was left for the driving. Although watching some of the earlier competitors we realised that we had been a bit spoiled by adrenaline of the scurry classes at the HOYS etc but getting down to the last couple of teams of 4 horses navigating through the most complicated set of cones I have ever seen was amazing - and the winner was truly a class act!!  There was no real closing ceremony... maybe everyone had just run out of steam - it was still excruciatingly hot & humid but we all left having felt that we had witnessed some truly amazing sport!!
I had ridden Panta a couple days after our competition and also lunged him to keep him exercised and supple without over exerting him before his long flight home. His flight was due to board the lorries to the airport the following day at 7 a.m. but the flight - for some reason - was delayed by 12 hours. That meant that we would not be there to see him onto the lorry unfortunately as we all had to catch flights that afternoon ourselves. Luckily the Latvian horse was not leaving till the following day and Angela made up feeds and hay for Panta to see him through the day for the groom to give him  and the Pedens team would load him on to the lorry for us - I left my buckets so he had plenty of water and then had to say our sad goodbyes to Panta. 
It was an eventful WEG - full of dramas.. well it wouldn't be horses if it didn't would it - lets be honest!! But no mistaking the fact that I could have not ridden down that centre line without all the support from such a great crowd of people behind me! It hasn't been easy with no 'official' sponsors but there have been so many who have donated their time, expertise, time, facilities, time, horse, time, money , time, time, time  .... and as we all know - time is money! 
So it has been a blast... and who knows where we go from here.
Much love xxx
 

The first part of our road to WEG....  Rachel and I drove Panta across the channel (via the ferry of course!)  and on to Liege Airport for the first leg of our journey to North Carolina and the World Equestrian Games!!  Panta travelled really well just as expected - stabled over night at the airport with the other horses travelling on his flight - and the next morning boarded his plane like a seasoned pro heading to the USA!! The whole procedure took a fair time and we were pleased that he was one of the last few horses to be loaded into the crates for the plane. The groom for his travelling companion was going to be on the flight so I knew he would be especially well looked after.  I flew out the next day and made it to the opening ceremony in the nick of time thanks to Clive Milkins and the Canadian team giving me a lift from Charlotte airport to TIEC.... changed in the car and carried the USVI flag proudly at the opening ceremony!!  Phew.. we'd made it!!
Once at WEG there was lots to see... we managed to watch top dressage riders vying for medals, the reining "bipolar ponies" (apologies - inside joke...) eventing dressage & cross country,  still maintaining our planned training schedule which was kept light in view of the travel etc. Meanwhile the weather was becoming a talking point  and we were being kept advised of...a hurricane no less ... by an excruciating alert coming through my phone through the GPS minute by minute!! Ear shattering - and only added to the heightening concern. (Unbelievably I had the same thing here on Saturday morning in  Redhill albeit not about a hurricane!!
No one knew exactly how bad it would be so Angela slept in the stable next to Panta which was doubling as our tack/feed room. Many of the grooms did the same, including Canada and GB who shared our barn. The next day was very wet - the fragile, newly laid infrastructure didn't cope entirely but on the whole it was not as bad as everyone expected... the sandbags at the entrance to the barns had helped! 
A lot of rain was forecast and the organisers took the decision to cancel the competitions on the Sunday.  The eventing show jumping could be moved to the Monday - originally a rest day for all - but sadly the dressage freestyle was cancelled altogether as the horses were flying back to Europe on Monday. I can't imagine how disappointing that was for all concerned especially when the rain in the end was no worse than an average July downpour in England.  Still - once they had made the decision it had to stand....
​

 Our preparations ahead of the CPEDI3* at the Hartpury Festival of Dressage went completely to plan - a competition at Pyecombe was good test riding exercise at a new venue and then we had a 3 day clinic with Andrew in Kent.... culminating in the fundraising lecture/demo the week before 
We had a really great turnout on a lovely summer's evening with a fab raffle and refreshments with yummy cakes! Everyone worked so hard to make this a success... and what a success it was thanks to all those who attended, donated raffle prizes, organised & helped on the night -  not forgetting the other 3 'guinea pigs'' for the demo!   
We raised over £1,150 on the night - so generous and just overwhelming -  a huge boost to our "Fly Panta to WEG" fund!! 
I drove Panta to Hartpury on a high  - especially as I had had an interview just before we left and found out that I had secured the 8 week temping job (perfect timing to take up me to the beginning of September) and further encouraged by the news that Andrew had a change of plans which meant he would be able to join us there after all!!
Sadly it wasn't to be our year -  with 2 costly spooks on the first day followed by having to retire when Panta got his tongue over the bit the next,  we came home a day early very dejected indeed....
But let's not forget the positives..... Panta's warmup both days had been fantastic, we were all really pleased with his first test - apart from the spooks which were at the beginning but he came straight back onside and produced some really good work, I felt that my riding had stepped up a gear (about time too!) and we had lots of compliments then followed by commiserations from other competitors, trainers, owners etc.
The championship test however was a blow.... its always tough when you only ride & compete one horse and then have an 'off' day'.  As a bit of a confidence boost we went to Oldencraig the following week and rode both para tests in a PYO competition where got some very good scores and comments from the judge so a worthwhile outing.
And so with Panta's flight to WEG now less than 8 weeks away its not all been plain sailing but thankfully we've got a lot of support behind us and we are working hard to get back on track for Tryon.... and staying positive!! 

Does 99 days sound a long time to you??  It seriously doesn't to me.... don't panic don't panic!!!!!
May has gone by in a flash.... but a good flash. Before I took Panta to Kent we had another trip to Hickstead... a change of bit - a change of attitude (by the rider) and voila... a win!  Why am I still surprised that small changes can make such a big difference????? 
And then we were on a training mission..... a concerted effort while I am still (eek!!) out of work to make more progress. Panta excelled himself and with thanks to Adie for her work in between my visits, he not only looked a picture but felt fantastic!  While he was there I was also able to work out a new freestyle routine - with new music! So this will be a first for me - not rushing a week before our international to get the floor-plan in place!  After all these years I must be getting better at this as... putting it down on paper/doing some initial timings - then changing the floor-plan last minute but what the hell putting the music together anyway.... it all worked!! Result... well - let's wait till we see what happens at Hartpury before I slap myself on the back I think!!
Last month was so productive but the next few weeks will be crucial too. We are training again this weekend... then competing... trying to combine both as I need to be able to ride Panta at a competition in the same 'manner' as we train.... sometimes neither of us behave the same way!!  This will be a new venue for him so will be a good test for me! 
And then... at the end of June I will be riding at a 3 day clinic that Andrew is running. This will be fantastic prep for Hartpury CPEDI3* the following week! AND... if that wasn't enough - on 28th June there will be a fund raising lecture/demo by Andrew in aid of our travel expenses for WEG!  Really looking forward to this - a great opportunity to not only promote our journey but also to show case Andrew's training!!  Doesn't really sound like I have time to work does it - haha!! 
So many thanks to everyone on the ground who are making this dream happen.... 99 days and counting guys!! :-) 
 

Watching the yachts racing in the 2018 St Thomas International Regatta.

​I was extremely fortunate to get away from the long long winter for three weeks to visit family and friends as well as soak in the sunshine and warmth of the Virgin Islands.  I have commented elsewhere on the state of the islands following the two devastating hurricanes last September which is not to be taken lightly... the media did not exaggerate the hardships everyone endured and continue to face on a daily basis.  That said the mood felt very positive and everyone was just getting on with fixing things up in true island style! 

I was also lucky enough to take this time off in the knowledge that Panta was being cared for and trained during my absence  by Adie and Andrew J. Murphy meaning he could continue with his work and development so we could hit the road running when I came back - so to speak - I really don't want to hit the road again... it hurt!  Panta feels great and is looking fab. One aspect that concerned us all however was his saddle, kindly sent with him by Anneke but which, with his change of shape, no longer fits him.

Ellie Martin of Bespoke Saddles came with a selection of secondhand saddles for me to try and as luck would have it (It seems like luck is playing a big part in my life right now!)  one of her own handmade saddles - very similar to the one I bought for Rhapsody - felt like it had been made to measure for me and Panta!! One more box ticked... Result! 

While I was away Regine attended the FEI Sports Forum in Lausanne and also the Chef de Mission meeting in Tyron for the WEG in September... which is now only 150 days away... eek... trying not to panic!  The benefit of being jobless though means I have time to look into all the details that are coming through for the feed imports, veterinary requirements and accommodation.  I have also been receiving press releases from the FEI which I have been sharing on my Facebook page - some interesting information is coming through.  As much as I enjoy spending time on all things WEG,  I seriously do need to get a job now!! 

Panta and I did a little low key competition in the week to get us both back in the arena and he went really well. His paces have gone up a gear if not 2!  We go to Hickstead next. Panta hasn't been there before so will be a very good outing for him to a new venue. Looking ahead - May is going to be a busy busy month with lots of training planned with Andrew... and today Spring arrived at last!  Lots to be thankful for! 

When I came to write this post I was surprised to see how long it has been since my last one.... not sure how that happened - winter blues I guess!!  
I have been busy these past months however... trying to keep up the work with Panta despite the weather constraints of a long winter and dealing with the preparations and paperwork now coming through from the FEI  and Tryon for the World Equestrian Games.
After finally recovering from flu I had a weekend training in late January with Andrew when he could see how we had progressed (or not!) in the preceding months. It was a really positive session and Panta responded so well to the next stage of training.
A fortnight later we were back in Kent - this consistency in training with Andrew is so invaluable and Panta really stepped up to the mark! I felt that we both went up a gear that weekend!! Lots of homework to work on  - nothing new there - but since then we have been to two local unaffiliated competitions to put us both to the test!! 
The first test was for me to get the times right and not turn up an hour late!! Donut!! The recent weather had limited the work I had been able to do in the school with Panta so it was, at worse, a good workout for him - and me! And a lesson learned never to be repeated again I hope!!
Two weeks later we were back... arriving in time for a proper warm up, albeit in freezing temperatures, and able to ride two panic (me) free tests! It was so cold and  blowing a bitter gale so Panta was understandably a bit tense in the first class but this is all good experience for me on how to deal with less than ideal situations with him and he improved for the second test.  He stayed reasonably focused and apart from jogging his walks he kept his hat on for some decent marks and very positive comments from the 2 judges! 
Meanwhile.... the organisers at WEG have woken up to the Virgin Islands' participation at the Games and we have submitted requests for accommodation for Team  ISV as well as arrival/departure details!  Panta's flight has been provisionally booked... but this dream all depends on what funding we can raise because getting Panta to Tryon is key.... 

We now have a crowd funding page - https://www.gofundme.com/help-lee-fly-panta-to-weg
Please have a look and contribute if you can - every little bit helps!!  There will be further fund raisers in the coming months both here in England and in the Virgin Islands to raise the necessary funds to fly Panta to WEG!

Recently Siobham Booth ran a series of three blogs on "my story".  Taking some time to reflect on the past 20 years and the direction my life turned since the accident was very rewarding.    You can find all 3 at:

https://yourconfidencecoaching.com/2018/02/16/after-qualifying-for-the-world-equestrian-games-paralympian-lee-frawley-talks-about-the-devastation-of-her-home-islands-and-why-she-may-not-be-able-to-take-her-weg-space/ 

Flopped on the sofa recovering from flu and a chest infection while torrential rain hammers against the windows on New Years Eve, it's difficult not to get a bit nostalgic when looking back over the year and I couldn't resist looking through some favourite old photos of Rhapsody.  2017 started off really well until a flukey injury put Rhaps on box rest with a long recovery ahead of him. That was nearly 10 months ago and he is back in steady slow work with thankfully very little to show for the original injury and now living in the lap of luxury thanks to his two sharers who continue to take such great care of him! It is tinged with sadness to admit that Rhapsody's international competition days are over but what great memories he gave us all!  He still is the loveable big orange clown who does a respectable dragon impression! 

Of course it was not all doom and gloom this year because friend and fellow competitor Anneke de Vree contacted me with a view to leasing her para horse 'PS Panta Leone for the season and the speedy partnership we forged was rewarded with solid scores at two CPEDI 3* giving us the all important qualification for the World Equestrian Games in 2018! There will be a lot to do next year if there is any hope of getting to WEG - not least of all a considerable amount of fund raising! But the ball has been set in motion and we will be getting back into training mode with Andrew J Murphy in January.   Let's see if we manage to pull this off again and take the USVI to the party one more time! 

Rhapsody -  looking very happy (and just a wee bit tubby!)  at Park Farm where he is now getting back to his rehab work and fitness thanks to Joanna and Suzanne who are sharing the riding. His holiday is officially over but that doesn't mean he won't still be spending time in this lovely paddock with his new friend Briggs. I sat on him for his first time under saddle in 3 months and he felt great, we just walked up and down the lane to the farm but there were inquisitive llamas,  lively ponies and little girls with umbrellas along the way... he took it all in his stride, very chilled but marching out confidently. It felt great to be on him again - he is such a character and so fun to ride! A real cool dude!
Meanwhile Panta and I have been quietly working in the school following on from our last training session with Andrew in early September. We had a fantastic couple of days during which both Panta and I made real progress! Panta responded really well to the exercises Andrew did with him and I immediately felt the benefit when I got on him afterwards. We are still forming our partnership together but this was a huge step forward. I began to look for some local dressage competitions to go to in the coming weeks...
... and then the hurricanes came to the Caribbean and the Virgin Islands. Suddenly my family and friends on the islands became my focus - their safely and wellbeing. If I felt like my life went on hold it was nothing to what they were experiencing and dealing with every day!  The devastation on all the affected islands has been well documented and we are still seeing terrible scenes of the aftermath but also now positive reports of the communities helping others less fortunate. Two category 5 hurricanes in 2 weeks caused unimaginable damage and suffering - and it continues with most still without power or running water - which may continue for months!!  Thankfully all family and friends were safe despite homes being totally battered or completely lost. This will take a long time for the Virgin Islands to recover from and it begs the question whether going to the WEG next year is feasible under the circumstances.  We will however continue our training to keep the dream alive in the hope that something amazing happens next year.